Let’s get physical – Psycle Review

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Tonight I tried out a new spin class at Canary Wharf. This isn’t your usual spin class, this is an all over body work out – trust me, I’m feeling it now, everywhere!!

Here is everything you need to know about my new favourite workout:

What does it involve?

This isn’t just a run of the mill spin class, oh no! It’s way more.
Firstly the equipment is the best spin equipment I’ve used. The bikes are state of the art and you also get your own spinning shoes to use when you’re there.
I’ve done serval spin classes before and they can become quite repetitive “stand up” “sit down” repeat for an hour 😴. You won’t have this issue at Psycle. Psycle is an all over work out so wether you are sitting down, standing up or squatting whilst cycling you are working the top half of your body too. I am quite possibly the unhealthiest most uncoordinated person I know, it did take a few times for me to get used to each move but I had nailed each one by the end of each set!
For the last few tracks we were using Dumbbells aswell as cycling, you really do feel every muscle of your body burn….but lucky the sound track keeps you going.
Our instructor tonight was Laura, she was amazing!! She’s my new hero. I swear I don’t think she broke a sweat tonight. She can’t be human. Laura had chose an amazing soundtrack for tonight – we had a bit of a rock theme and that was the perfect soundtrack for a Monday night. I felt so empowered and ready to challenge the week ahead. We had everything from Oasis to ACDC to get us through the 45 min class. Throughout the class Laura was constantly motivating us, there was a small 2min relaxation session just over half way through, Laura reset our focus and made sure we nailed the last few tracks! And at the end we all got a celebratory high 5. It’s the little things that count.

Venue

Located at the new Crossrail Place (and also Mortimer Street), Psycle is easy to get to. So if like me, you don’t work at Canary Wharf then that shouldn’t put you off. It’s close to both the underground and DLR.
When we arrived we were greeted by a lovely member of staff who checked us in and fitted us with our spinning shoes – for your first visit I would suggest arriving a little bit earlier to get fitted.
In reception there is also a juice bar for a post class healthy drink and a shop with THE MOST AMAZING gym clothes!!
The changing rooms are also amazing!! Unlike other gyms you don’t need to take your own padlock or coins for the locker, each locker has a digital key pad. The changing room also has complimentary toiletries. Not just a little bit of deodorant but anything you could think of; hair ties, towels, face wipes, razors, anything you would need for a spin session and a pamper afterwards. They have also invested in GHD straighteners, so if you were going before work or going anywhere after your class, you’ll have everything you need.
Lastly, there is a smell of eucalyptus in the venue which just gives you that extra little spa feeling ☺️

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Cost

Unlike other gyms there is no membership or commitment you have to make.
There is currently an intro offer where you can get 2 credits plus a buddy credit for Β£20. (One Credit = one class)
You can buy credits as and when you wish or you can buy packages, the more you bulk buy the cheaper it becomes.
Your credits are then available online for you to book into your class and pick your own bike – easy!!

Overall Opinion

I loved it!!! I did struggle but I felt great after it. I want to challenge myself to make sure it gets easier every week. Every part of my body is feeling it – I’ve not worked this hard in a long time and cannot wait for my next class on Thursday.

If you live in London and are looking for a fun but effective work out definitely check out Psycle – I might see you there 😊

Contact Details

Twitter: @psyclelondon

Website: http://www.psyclelondon.com

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I’m Back!

Dating

Well, after a long 5 months, I’m back!

I really enjoyed my first year of blogging last year and as I said many times I found it to be like therapy.

I took a month long holiday over December/January and ever since then I have struggled to blog about my life, mostly because I haven’t had a clue about what has been going on in my messed up little life. But I seem to be in a better place and I feel I can reflect on what’s been going on, there’s been a lot so make yourself comfy and grab a cup of tea….

Full Disclosure

Dating

The Mr Perfect saga continues…..

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In my last post – Mr Not So Perfect, I explained that it had been a couple of days since I’d heard from Mr Perfect, my last Tinder Date. In that post I explained that I was over him and I didn’t need him…

Well 3 days after texting him, he replied, being as lovely as ever and still interested. 😳

I played it ridiculously cool. I left it almost a day before replying, once we started talking he asked when he could see each other again. We made plans for Monday.

On my way home from drinks with a friend in Friday night (slightly intoxicated) I text him to see how he was. He was at work and almost finished, we soon made plans to have late night drinks.

Drinks ended up being in my flat. We drank some more and listened to music. We didn’t sleep with each other…until the morning. Again, the sex was amazing. I can only think of one other person that I’ve had sex as good as that with. We lay in bed for most of the day talking. I found out so much more about him, it was lovely, but oh…..I also found out he’s dating someone else!! 😡

Lying there in Mr Perfects arms, feeling quite smug with myself, he casually asks “so, are you dating anyone else?” At first I was thinking – he must really like me!! I told him that I wasn’t, explained I like to focus on one person at a time and that I’d deleted Tinder – not because of him but because I wasn’t planning on using Tinder next year, so he was my last Tinder Date. I then asked him if he was seeing anyone else, secretly hoping he said no.

Mr (not so) Perfect then explained that he has been dating someone for about a month – firstly, our date was 2 weeks ago, so….he mustn’t like her that much if he has seen me twice in that month. Anyway, I digress. She’s 41 and very adventurous – I didn’t want to ask in what way but I think I can guess. He then mentioned that there was a girl he used to work with that he’s “texting” quite a lot – which probably means he will date her soon.

What happened next surprised me. I wasn’t bothered. I thought I would be upset, jealous, angry…but nothing. What I was feeling was gratitude…..strangely. I couldn’t believe how honest he was. It was refreshing.

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He asked me if I was annoyed and I told him I wasn’t and thanked him for being honest. He said he didn’t want to lead me on. He wants to see what’s out there and doesn’t think it’s a bad thing to date more than one person at a time as long as you are honest about it, and I kind of agree with him. The only thing that concerns me is that he is sleeping with both of us. Always safe sex but still it’s a negative.

We’ve made plans to see each other again on Tuesday and I’m looking forward to it. Will most likely be the last time I see him before I go on holiday for a month, and who knows what will happen after then. Maybe him and the 41 year old will be over and I can step up to number 1??

What is everyone’s thoughts on dating more that one person?

I am looking for a boyfriend, I want to be someone’s one and only, their number 1, but I’m not going to chase someone who doesn’t want me to be their girlfriend to get that, but whilst I continue the search for my future boyfriend, why can’t I have amazing sex with a guy that I get on with?

Pro’s
* Amazing sex
* Enjoy spending time with him
* He’s been honest with me, I know where I stand
* I can keep looking for the real Mr Perfect

Con’s
* I’m not his priority
* He’s sleeping with more than one person
* I might end up getting hurt if I develop feelings for him

Has anyone had any experience with this? It’s 2014, so many people are online dating. I imagine a lot of people are dating more than one person but not necessarily being open about it.

If you knew you were not the only one, what would you do?

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Mr Not So Perfect

Dating

Dum dum dum….another one bites the dust! 🎢🎢

Mr Perfect has alas proved that he is no different from anyone else I have dated this year.

Post date we spoke on Sunday and Tuesday. It was back to the usual boring conversation that we had pre-date. Mostly just asking each other what we’ve been up to and what our weekend plans were.

I had a friend visiting this weekend and Mr (not so) Perfect was working. I told him I wanted to go somewhere different with my friend and he gave a list of places to try.

On Sunday I text him asking how his weekend was and thanked him for his recommendations, told him we checked out a few bars he had recommended and that we had a great night.
I had sent him the message on WhatsApp so I had the agony of getting the double blue ticks and knowing he was online…but not replying and has still not replied!

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I might be wrong but I don’t think my message was in anyway offensive or forward. I asked how his weekend was and thanked him for his recommendations…?

How difficult is it to reply and say:

“You’re welcome. I had a good time with you last week but I don’t see this going anywhere. Hope you understand?”

Be honest guys! Stop leading people on and it just plain RUDE to ignore someone.

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Sadly, I’m not sad about this. I expected it to happen. I was trying to be optimistic and think he could be different, this could lead to at least a 2nd date but I was right, he is just the same.

I am thinking that next year Tinder is a no no. It’s been a year of Tinder dates and a year of constantly being let down.

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Next year is my last year in my 20’s. It’s going to be the Year of Fun πŸŽ‰ and love might (hopefully) find me when I stop looking….

Date night with Mr Perfect

Dating

Ahhhh Mr Perfect, just writing the title of this post made me grin like a silly little school girl.

Mr Perfect is my last Tinder date of 2014 aka The Year of Dating.

A few stats about Mr Perfect –

Met: Tinder

Age: 29 – first person I’ve dated this year who is older than me

Job: Restaurant/Bar Manager

Lives: 15mins away from me

Looks: Tall, dark and handsome. Swoon!

Nickname: Mr Perfect – as he really did seem too good to be true

I have been speaking to Mr Perfect on Tinder for around a month. He made first contact – I never do! Our conversations have never been flirty. It usually consisted of him sending me a message every 2 or 3 days asking how my week has been, me telling him then us discussing that. Never any flirting or suggestions of actually going on a date….until last week.

Last week was one of the works weeks I had had in a long time. I finally heard back about the dream job I had interviewed for and found out I never got it, I was stood up by a different tinder date – as in he just stopped talking to me with no reason, and work was unbearable. To make matters worse, almost everyone I knew in London was going out of town for the weekend, including my 2 housemates and I was going to be completely alone all weekend.

Mr Perfect sent his usual 3 day update message. He asked what I had planned for the weekend and I explained I had a rare weekend when I had no plans. He then told me he had his friends 30th birthday and that was 5 mins away from where I lived and asked if he could take me out for drinks before he goes to the party. He was so polite. Guys usually say “fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?” But Mr Perfect sent a message that said “would you like to maybe meet me for a few drinks on Saturday?”, I kind of liked how unconfident he was, like he was maybe nervous? I screamed and jumped around a little bit before leaving it a few minutes before saying yes. He had finally asked me. A couple of weeks ago I was considering asking him if he wanted to meet up but I am glad I held off and waited for him.

I had 2 days to prepare for my date with Mr Perfect. He had explained that he needed to be at the party for 11 so not to be offended when he had to leave. We had planned to go to a pub close to where his party was later. I very rarely get nervous before a date. I think that is a clear sign that I haven’t really been into the people I have dated before, but on Saturday I was a nervous wreck. I tried on lots of outfits. Too dressy, too casual, look too fat, look too boring. Finally I agreed on a black skirt, a black jumper, a long cardigan and black boots. It was flattering and perfect pub wear. I looked and felt comfortable.

I met Mr Perfect at the tube station. As always I was there first, I always arrive 15mins early for whoever I am meeting, I hate being late.
When he came out the station, if I am honest, he didn’t look exactly how he did on his tinder profile, it was definitely him, he was still very much tall dark and handsome. We agreed on a pub and got ourselves some drinks. As it was a Saturday night the pub was a bit rowdy but we found a table of 2 and the conversation started flowing.
What I hate about first dates is the bit that you have to do to get out the way but it’s the bit that feels like you are interviewing them. You know, the standard questions about his job, his family, who he lives with, what he does for fun. He was very polite, he answered the questions like he was in an actual interview then returned the question to me.
He is a budding comedian, and as I am from Edinburgh, the city where the biggest comedy festival in the world is held, we found a good topic to talk about.

Before we knew it, it was 11pm and Mr Perfect had to leave. He apologised profusely but explained he couldn’t not go and that he would be in touch. We said our goodbyes and I headed home….via the local take away shop. I had been so nervous about the date that I hadn’t eaten all day and now I was starved, so I picked up a feast of Indian food and headed home.

I text the girls when I got home to say he was lovely but that I didn’t think he was the one for me. There were a few reasons. He was pretty posh, I am not posh at all but I felt like I couldn’t be completely myself around him through fear of him judging me for not being posh. You need someone who you can be yourself around, you can’t live a lie your whole life. And secondly, there was still no flirting, it was like a job interview. Something’s just aren’t meant to be I guess.

I was feeling a bit down about the whole situation and the fact it was before midnight and I was home alone on a Saturday night with only my chicken korma to keep me company when I received a message from Mr Perfect, asking me if I wanted to come back to meet him for another drink. It hadn’t even been an hour since I left him, but I didn’t have anything to lose by not meeting him so I threw out the Indian food and walked back along to the bar.

When I met him for the 2nd time it was a lot more relaxed. It felt like a 2nd date. He felt familiar and less nervous. He explained he had went to the 30th birthday party and when he arrived they decided to move on to a club, but he kept thinking he would rather be on a date with me instead so tried his luck and asked me back out. It was the first time he had flirted with me all month and I liked it. I was already changing my mind about him.

The conversation was slightly different 2nd time round, he asked me about my tinder experience. As always, I never went into detail, I told him it had been “interesting” and that I had picked a few wrong ones but all in all it has been fun. He told me everyone he has spoken to or dated from tinder had been lovely, no psychos, but agreed that women have a hard time of tinder due to the amount of men thinking with their pants and not their heads. He was literally perfect.

Before we knew it, last orders were being called. Nooooooooo! The date was just getting started again, Mr Perfect was making me laugh and smile, and he was being quite touchy feely, but in a nice way – just resting his hand on the bottom of my back when someone tried to pass me, or touching my arm when talking to me. It was lovely and I didn’t want it to end.
As we were in my neighbourhood, he asked if I knew anywhere we could still get a drink, sadly there was no where. I explained that I lived a 5 min walk away and that we had lots of alcohol left over from our party the previous week, so not to take it the wrong way, but did he want to come back to my place for a drink….

We sat up listening to music, talking, laughing and drinking until after 3 am. Mr Perfect leaned over and kissed me, no warning, just grabbed me and kissed me. It felt so passionate. He apologised and said he was sorry for grabbing me mid sentence but he had wanted to do that all night and couldn’t wait any longer! What was he doing to me? Why was he so sweet and perfect?
We sat on the sofa kissing for at least 30 mins solid. I don’t think I’ve done that since high school. He made me feel 16 again. I was feeling pretty tired and told him I was going to have to sleep soon. He started putting his shoes on explaining that he would leave and let me go to bed. I didn’t want him to leave, so I told him he could stay, he asked if I was sure and I told him I was.
We got ready for bed and we lay there spooning, it was so lovely. We spoke about the date and he told me that as soon as he saw me at the station he wanted to kiss me, then when we were talking in the first bar, he said he couldn’t stop staring at me and that when he was at the party he was just thinking about when he could see me next. What girl doesn’t want to hear that? Wether he meant it or not, it was exactly what I needed to hear after the week I had had. I felt so wanted and needed by him, I’ve not felt like that for a long time.

As we all know spooning usually leads to forking πŸ™ˆ and it did. 10 hours of forking. I will save you the gory details but we didn’t sleep the whole night, and Mr Perfect turned into an animal. He is exactly what I need. Someone who is polite and respectful out of the bedroom but can show me a good time in the bedroom.

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Now this sparks the age old debate of – Sex on the First Date – yes or no? From my experience having sex on the first date usually doesn’t lead to a 2nd date, sometimes it does but more often that not, it doesn’t.
Times are changing, and I am very much in the mind set of, if I want to do it, I will do it!
A friend of mine slept with a guy on the first date, they both thought it was going to be a one night stand so had ridiculously filthy sex thinking they would never see each other again. They are now married. So why not? We both clearly have a high sex drive so why not make the most of each other.

We didn’t leave the bedroom until 1pm the following afternoon. I am not body confident in any way, I hate my body, I am usually the kind of girl who insists on the lights out under the covers sort of sex but Mr Perfect loved my body, he made me feel so good about myself, he made me feel happy. He was supposed to be in work at 11 but was already ridiculously late. He said he would have to head into work and asked if he could use the shower.
Whilst he was in the shower I lay there thinking about what the hell had happened in the last 24 hours with a massive smile on my face.
When he got out the shower he got himself dressed and ready to leave. He turned round and looked at me and told me he didn’t want to leave….so he jumped back into bed for another hour. Perfect.

When he left I finally slept. I needed it. I had just endured a 10 hour work out. When I woke up I sent him a message to say I had a really good night with him, he text back telling me the same. I then fell asleep again with a massive smile on my face,

I know from experience, Mr Perfect isn’t the kind of guy who texts daily. I am hoping he gets in touch later in the week.
I am in 2 minds about what I want to happen next. I would like to go out for another drink with him. I have deleted my tinder account as I’m not looking to date anyone else this year as after Xmas I am off to Thailand for a month, which is another reason why I don’t want to get involved with someone pre holiday, but I would like to know where his head is at.

Knowing my luck he probably is too good to be true and was only after something casual, if that is the case I would like to know, if not, I would like to make plans to see him again.

I’ve not had a 2nd date for so long, what happens on a 2nd date? Do you plan your wedding and name your unborn children?

I am trying to stay positive and hope that he is different from the other tinder boys I have experienced this year. But if this is the end of the story of Mr Perfect and I, then I couldn’t think of a better way to end my year of dating…with a big smile on my face! 😊

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It’s OK not to be OK

Dating

So….hello! It has been a while. I took a month or so off from blogging because if I am honest, I didn’t want to see the truth written in black and white in front of me. I’ve been in denial. If I’m perfectly honest, I have felt like my life has sucked the last couple of months, but here I am, hopefully coming out of the other side and ready to put some closure on this part of my life.

The last time I blogged I had failed my “Man Detox” by sleeping with a failed date. I no longer wanted to move out of the friend zone with my “PenPal”. And I was attempting to lose 10lbs.

Since then I have realised I massively hate my job, I am miserable because of this and adding that to my failed love life I slipped into a low point in my life. I got to the stage where I couldn’t get out of bed due to lack of motivation. I wouldn’t eat all day. I couldn’t sleep at night. I would cancel plans I had, purely because I couldn’t face lying to people by saying “I’m fine”, when really I just wanted to burst into tears.

When something is broken, you try and fix it. I’ve been single for a loooooooooooooooooooong time so I knew the reason I was feeling so low had to be separate from my lack of boyfriend and pinned the blame on my hate for work, so I started applying for new jobs. In the last 2 months I have been in the interview process for my dream job, but sadly I wasn’t successful. I was rejected, once again. And the turning point in my low period was when I realised I wasn’t surprised that they had rejected me. Why should anyone expect to be rejected? If I was on the outside looking in, I would have slapped myself. No one should ever feel that way. That is what has inspired this post.

I want people to know that it is ok not to be ok, but please don’t expect everything to fail, because it won’t.

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Recently my friends have had a lot of positive news. Babies, new houses, weddings, engagements. All positive. I’m so happy for them all but at the same time I feel like everything is slipping into place for them, but for me everything is moving in the opposite direction, I began to feel I was getting further and further away from my goal.

My goal was – by the time I’m 30 (just over a year away), have a career I enjoy, have a boyfriend that could be marriage material, be debt free.

I set this goal for myself, no one else. This was all me. So when I am upset that I am drifting further away from hitting my goal who am I disappointing? No one but myself. My friends aren’t going to be angry with me that I’m not engaged this time next year. My parents aren’t going to be disappointed in me that I’m not in a career I enjoy. The only person I am letting down is myself. So what if I change my goal…what if I don’t disappoint myself?

My new goal is – be happy.

So what if I get to to 35 and I am single, if I am happy then that’s ok.
So what if I hate my job, and still haven’t paid off my credit card – if I am happy in other parts of my life, then bingo. That’s all I need.

Why do we need to be so tough on ourselves?

I know I’m not the only person who feels like this. I live in London now and have for almost 2 years now. When I first moved here I never knew anyone, I moved for work (back to my previous goal), and it was horrible. I spent every night on my own. I never had anyone to go out with at weekends. But when my friends or family would get in touch and ask how London life was, my reply was always the same “it’s amazing!!!”. In my head I didn’t want to disappoint them by telling them it was awful and I had never been so lonely. But looking back, the only person I would be disappointing was myself and that’s what I was scared of.
But in the last year or so, I have met a lot of people who have moved to London and at first when I ask them how they are finding London they reply with “it’s amazing”. A few glasses of wine later once I have shared my story of hating my first 3 months in London, the truth comes out. They admit to me that London life is not what they thought. The tube is horrible, rent is extortionate and it is so difficult to make friends. We are all in the same position but no one feels comfortable admitting that everything isn’t perfect. Why? Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to have the perfect life?

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2 or 3 weeks ago I decided to get back on Tinder. I had a month of feeling sorry for myself. I had to get back on that horse so to speak. I started talking to a lovely guy who was the same age as me and seemed to have a good sense of humour, we chatted for a week or so and he asked me out for a drink. When I met him he didn’t look exactly how he did in his photos, he was a bit shorter and had bad teeth but I’m not that shallow….
We went to a quiet bar and spent the night talking. We had nothing in common, I wasn’t attracted to him. But, at the end of the night I convinced myself that I could like him if I had to. Why? I wouldn’t want to change for anyone so why would I expect someone to change entirely for me to be with them? It was silly. I text my date to let him know I got home safe, he told me he was still on the train and that was it. End of conversation. The feeling was obviously mutual but instead of me being relieved that I managed to avoid a difficult conversation, I was craving his attention. We were 2 completely different people, it was never going to work so why did I want his attention? I genuinely think that the attention of a man can become addictive and you can crave it when you don’t get it.

Two days after the date “cat man” sent me a message out of the blue. I was out with the girls when he text so ignored his message – until I got home. I hadn’t spoken to him since our last encounter and I knew exactly what he was after. As I was still craving attention I invited him round, we had sex, he left, I had got the attention I wanted, he got sex, we were both happy. But the next day I needed more. More attention.

From my last stint on Tinder there was a younger guy (2 years younger) that I had spoken to for a while. We’ll call him…..Harry. He was a little bit obsessed with me though, not in a cute way. In a scary way. So I backed off. But as the weeks went on, he kept in touch and became less creepy. We spoke about normal things, and not just how attracted to me he was. He was actually a really nice guy. He was the type of person who would check in maybe once a week, ask me how I was, how my weekend had been and that would be it. But the morning after “cat man” he messaged me, and I was craving attention. We ended up flirting ridiculously, to the point he was begging to take me on a date. It was exactly what I needed. I needed someone to want me, more than I needed them. I had plans that week but we made plans for this weekend. He was going to take me out for the day, he didn’t care what we did, just as long as he was with me. My flatmates were going away this weekend so he suggested he stayed over to keep me company. Very presumptuous, but I didn’t say no.

At this time I think it’s a good idea to introduce Mr Perfect. Mr Perfect is someone I have been speaking to on Tinder for the last 3 weeks since re-joining Tinder. I name him Mr Perfect because he is the perfect man for me…on paper. I have yet to meet him. But he’s taller than me, older than me and he makes me laugh, a lot. And he hasn’t been creepy at all. Infact he hasn’t even really been flirty which was a bit concerning. Was I gaining another PenPal?

I spoke to a male friend about Mr Perfect, explained that I really liked him from talking to him but there was no flirting and no date being suggested. My male friends advice was to ask him out. I couldn’t. I felt too desperate. He also told me to start talking to someone I didn’t like as much. This would be a distraction, so I wasn’t being as needy and reliant on Mr Perfect. So that’s where Harry came in. I knew I could get the attention I wanted from him, I knew he would distract me from Mr Perfect. It was an excellent plan.

Mr Perfect works unsociable hours. He works in hospitality. So I was only hearing from him every 2 or 3 days. I’m not in high school anymore, I don’t need to be texting someone 24/7, but I do need some sort of daily contact. Enter Harry.

Sunday morning, Harry messages me asking how my weekend was. I reply and tell him it was good and what I got up to and ask how his weekend was. No reply. I’m stubborn, I won’t message him again that day but I see that he is online and that he has read my message and he is choosing to not reply to my message. This is new. This is the guy who is obsessed with me. Why is he not replying?

Tuesday evening I went to the cinema. Both friends at the cinema tell me they are going out of town at the weekend. Everyone I know I leaving London this weekend, I’m going to be alone. Then I remember I made plans with Harry….Harry who is ignoring me. I then do something I never normally do. I message Harry first. I ask him if he was still coming to see me at the weekend. Message delivered. Message read. Harry online. No response!!! How has this happened? I am now craving for Harry to get in touch with me. Tell me how much he likes me. Give me any sort of attention.

I’m still waiting.

I had a restless night, my back up attention giver was no longer giving me attention. He was only supposed to be my back up, my distraction for Mr Perfect.
The next morning I was feeling better about it. It was silly what I was doing, I didn’t need a back up. I need to stop craving attention from men. Maybe it’s a good thing Harry has gone AWOL? I decide it is and get on with my day. I look at the benefits. I have the weekend free now. I have the flat to myself. I can sit in my pants and eat ice cream and watch Bridget Jones as many times as I want this weekend, with no one to judge me. This is good. This never happens. Then I get a Tinder message from Mr Perfect. At the same time I was planning on carbing up and watching rom coms all weekend, a little radar message must have been sent to Mr Perfect.

After almost a month of idle chit chat, out of no where, he has asked if I want to meet him for a drink on Saturday!!! Where did that come from?
I of course agree to meet him for a drink. He has his friends 30th birthday party in the area I live in, so he has decided to come down early and take me for a drink. I think this is good. It will genuinely be a couple of drinks. No pressure to spend the whole evening together. I won’t drink too much. We won’t sleep together. It will hopefully be a proper first date. I now feel under pressure to make sure I impress him in the couple of hours I have with him. But in the spirit of my new goal, I am not putting pressure on myself to impress, if he doesn’t like me then that’s fine, I move onto the next one, and I keep searching until I find someone who makes me happy and that I can make happy. Someone who likes me, just the way I am. Not pretending to be something I think they might like.

Mr Perfect is going to be my last date of the year. I’m off to Thailand for 3 weeks in December/January. Before I go I am removing all my 2014 dates from my phone book, tinder, Facebook, Instagram, what’s app. I don’t need them anymore. No more looking back and worrying why someone didn’t like me.

I have rabbled on a bit in this post. Hopefully you are all now up to date on my tragic love life.

I will let you know how my date with Mr Perfect turns out.

I’m trying to stay positive. I will only put pressure on myself to make sure I’m happy, nothing else.

Let’s stop putting so much pressure on ourselves to have a “perfect” life. It would be boring if it was perfect and I’m sure we won’t appreciate all the good things headed our way if we didn’t experience all this nonsense along the way!

Stay happy 😊 xxxx

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Man Detox: Fail! Life: Fail!

Dating

It’s been a while, I suggest you grab a cuppa and make sure you’re comfy. This is going to take a while.

Let me just remind you of a few key points from the last time I posted:

* I was embarking on a month long Man Detox following way too many failed dates
* I was trying move out of the Friend Zone with my PenPal
* I was shamelessly flirting with an old friend from home
* Cat Man had got in touch after 3 weeks of silence looking to catch up. I was very smug that I rejected him

Caught up? We’ll let me tell you how this all completely spiralled out of control over the last 2 weeks.

Cat Man had messaged me on the Sunday night asking if I wanted to catch up. I hadn’t heard from him for 3 weeks so I wanted to reject him and I did. I felt good about it.
Conversation had increased with myself and my pen pal. We were speaking daily about everything. I told him that Cat Man had been in touch and how I rejected him. I explained to my PenPal that I was under the impression Cat Man was only after sex and that I wasn’t so it was best I didn’t meet him, my pen pal agreed.

On Tuesday I got a text from Cat Man, asking how my Sunday night was. We got into conversation. He explained he’s still looking for somewhere to live and that he’s been moving his stuff out of the house he shared with his ex, that’s why he’s been a bit quiet. A BIT QUIET…..? I haven’t heard from you for 3 weeks!!! He went on to explain that he was going to be in my area (not my lady area, my where I live area) on Wednesday and we should catch up for a drink? Again, I politely declined.

On Wednesday I was shopping on Oxford St when Cat Man text me again. He was at the bar next door to my flat and wanted to see me. I had plans for dinner so I declined again. He continued to text and he told me he was at an event for people looking for flat mates alone and that he was feeling quite down about it. Now, I know how it feels to feel alone in London. London can be the loneliest place in the world sometimes. I told Cat Man I would be back at 10pm-ish if he wanted to catch up over a drink then. He agreed.

I met Cat Man at the station at 10pm and we went to the bar we went on our first date #nostalgia. He was better looking than I remembered and he was in a suit. It wasn’t awkward when I met him. I felt very comfortable around him.
He made a joke about someone being at “our table” as he bought us a round of drinks. We sat down at another table and Cat Man complimented me on my dress, he was being overly nice. I asked how he had been, and he filled me in on the situation with his ex and that he still hadn’t found anywhere to live. He then told me about his new job, a recent promotion. Excellent!

“So, have you been on any dates in the last 3 weeks?” Cat Man almost chocked on his beer. “Have you?” was his response.
I explained that following my date with him I’d decided Tinder wasn’t for me and that I didn’t think I was going to find what I was looking for. He was mortified and asked if the first date was really that bad. I told him not to flatter himself and that he wasn’t the reason, he was just the straw that broke the camels back. He told me he had been on one more date with an older lady but the date hadn’t gone so well and that he decided to stay off Tinder for a while also until he got his head sorted with his ex situation.

The drinks continued to flow and yet again, before we knew it, it was last orders. He had missed his last train home. You can tell where this is going….yes, I had lots of sex with him….again. We both had work the next day so we didn’t spend much time together, a few texts were exchanged but I’ve not seen him since.

The day after, my PenPal text asking how my night was. I told him I had been out for dinner and ended up catching up with Cat Man for a drink. The only thing he responded with was “did you sleep with him” (I don’t think it was as polite as that though). I was honest with him, told him we got drunk and one thing lead to another. And then…my PenPal went off on one. He called me names, told me I was stupid, he was genuinely angry and nasty towards me, which then resulted in him telling me he doesn’t care what I do – you obviously do to kick off over something like that. The abuse continued throughout the day with him telling me he couldn’t believe what I had done.
Can I just take the time to remind you I have never met my PenPal because HE has always cancelled on me. I have no loyalty to him. He was on a date that week….this shouldn’t be a big deal for him, but it was.
I left it a while and didn’t respond, he clearly needed to calm down and it worked, he sent me a message apologising and explaining that he got frustrated that he listens to me complain about the way guys treat me, then I keep going back for more, he was right but his reaction was not.

Now, some of you may be thinking at this point – this guy must like her! Well that’s what I thought too. As the day went on we had a heart to heart about why we do some of the things we do (sleep with people we shouldn’t). My PenPal told me how much he cared for me and how he just wanted me to be with someone who deserved me. He then started feeling sorry for himself saying he was struggling to find someone he can connect with, so at this point I tested the water by saying “it’s a shame we don’t live closer” (we’re an hour by train apart), well this was a massive mistake. DING DING ROUND 2. The response I got was “hahahahaha are you kidding? Even if you did live closer I wouldn’t want a girlfriend like you”. LIKE ME??
Let me repeat, this is someone who I have been speaking to for OVER A YEAR without actually meeting. I thought we got on really well and had a lot in common but in the space of 5 mins that was gone. He explained I wasn’t his type and we didn’t have enough in common. I’m sorry if you insist on maintaining a friendship for over a year you must have something in common. I was mortified, on the verge of tears. I told him I had work to do and I didn’t reply. That was 2 weeks ago.

For the last 2 weeks I’ve had a proper man detox, no PenPal, no Cat Man, no Tinder, no boys whatsoever. It’s been great. I have however gained about 10lbs from the amount of alcohol I’ve consumed. I’ve replaced men with Rum.

This morning however, I woke up to a message from my PenPal “hi, are you good?” I replied later saying I was ok, and asked how he was. We made small talk and then he sent a message to say he was glad I was well, he was worried about me. I didn’t want it get into it with him about why I’ve been so quiet, I’d rather he didn’t know how embarrassed and hurt I was after our last conversation. I’m glad he got in touch and it’s nice to know he was concerned but I’m not interested in maintaining this “friendship”, it’s wasting my time and his. I need to keep my head clear.

So that is how I massively failed my man detox. We live and we learn I suppose.

Here’s to trying to lose those 10lbs and being happy again without any men.

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The Man Detox: Week 2

Dating

I thought I would provide you all with an update on my 2nd week of avoiding men…

This week I’ve had a really stressful time at work which has really been dragging me down but on the flip side, I’ve been so consumed with work that men are the last thing on my mind.

If you’re single you’ve probably heard the standard patronising phrases that your married/non single friends remind you of anytime you feel sorry for yourself:

“Love will find you when you stop looking for it!”

I’ve not been looking for it for 2 weeks and I still haven’t found it but I have noticed an increase in communication from 3 of the men in my life.

It’s not as if I told these guys I was on a Man Detox but it is like they know!
I’ll always remember a quote, not from a famous philosopher but from Lauren Conrad from The Hills (don’t judge me!)

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These guys definitely know I’m not interested in them…at least for this month.

My Pen Pal – our conversation has increased over the last few weeks but since my man detox I have been a bit distant from him. Firstly I wanted to move out of the friend zone with him but on further thought I decided that could wait until after the man detox, there is no rush. But since I have been a bit distant from him, he’s become a bit more chatty with me. I don’t mind as I do enjoy talking to him. Our most recent conversation was about a date he went on at the weekend. In the whole time I’ve “known” him I’ve never heard him mention him going on an actual date. So I was very surprised when he told me and even more surprisingly, I wasn’t jealous at all. I think I wanted to be jealous but I wasn’t, I was more proud of him for actually going on a proper date!
He told me a bit about the girl and I don’t think she’s going to be “the one” for him but I’m excited to see where it goes but maybe this means I’m happy in the FriendZone?

The Guy from home – last week I was reunited with a former colleague who I’d always had a thing for. After our reunion we both admitted to always liking each other. I then saw on Facebook that it appeared he was still with his ex girlfriend after 3 days of non stop shamelessly flirting with me – not cool. As the stubborn bitch that I am I stopped talking to him.
It got to Thursday and he got in touch again, asked me how my week was, usual small talk, I was on a boring tube journey home so decided to reply. We got into conversation again and he dropped into conversation about him finding it weird being single. So maybe he wasn’t back with his ex – that will teach me to assume.
As it is my Man Detox as soon as I felt the conversation getting to serious I would end the conversation for the night. Again, I think I’ll keep him on the back burner til October but it’s never going to come to everything considering we live 500miles apart.
I woke up on Sunday morning to 3 missed calls, 2 drunk phone calls and 3 drunk text messages from him. Put a smile on my face and made me feel 18 again.

The Cat Man – the reason I decided t have a man detox was due to my last date, with Cat Man. Quick reminder – he was a Tinder date, done Cinema, Dinner and drinks. Got very drunk. Discovered I’d slept with his friend. Slept with him on the first date. Made plans for date number 2 and he got in touch to say he couldn’t make it because he needed to “feed his sisters cat” – good excuse!
Well…3 weeks to the day since our one and only date and who gets in touch? Cat Man. No apology for not being in touch but just a “Hey, how have you been? Good weekend? X”
I waited at least 30mins before texting him back – make him sweat a bit and replied with quite short and sweet answers. We made small talk for a while and he asked if I wanted to “hang out” – not really a 2nd date is it?
I had plans to go out that evening but I didn’t tell him. Instead I told him I’d let him know later. I left it til 8pm and text him to say I had other plans and told him to have a good night. He replied, telling me to have a good night and asking if we could hang out later in the week. My response….”maybe”.
Oh how the tables have turned. I don’t need him in my life, especially during Man Detox. If he was genuinely interested he would have been in touch 3 weeks ago.

All in all, with no Tinder or dates I’ve still had an eventful week with the opposite sex but I feel entirely in control which is a strange but nice feeling. Now I just need to sort out my career and everything will be perfect!

Which reminds me of a quote from another of my favourite philosophers….

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The Man Detox: Week 1

Dating

Last week after ANOTHER failed date and a heart to heart with my pen pal I decided to embark on a man detox.

The reason for this was simply I felt like I was treating men like they were disposable. I was going on one date with them then moving on to the next one. I was never going to find a serious boyfriend. So I decided to take a break from dating and focus on myself for the next month.

This month I booked a winter trip to Thailand so I have to be careful with my money so I have decided that September will be: SOBER CELIBATE SEPTEMBER – eek 😱

It’s been one week of the no dating (the no alcohol will start this week) and it’s not been as boring as I thought.

My plan was – no new men. There are men in my life at the moment, I’m not going to cut them out but I am no longer going to actively pursue any of them.

Like any sort of detox the first couple of days are the hardest. Breaking that addiction/habit is the most difficult in the first 48 hours.
I deactivated my Tinder and hid the app in a folder – out of sight, out of mind.
Like most people my phone is in my hand or by my side most of the day and previously I was spending a lot of time on tinder, so I was finding myself picking up my phone to go on Tinder and having to remind myself that I wasn’t allowed to use it for a while.
Luckily I was pretty busy with work and travel last week so I had a welcome distraction.

My pen pal (man I started talking to on a dating site a YEAR ago but still haven’t met for a variety of different reasons but speak to on a regular basis) – who I am now speaking to a lot more recently, is moving house and has been calling me most days to tell me about properties he has been to see and asking for my opinion on certain aspects – a lot more like a mother figure than a girlfriend unfortunately. But as I have had this constant contact with him this week I have not missed chatting to new guys. πŸ‘

As I mentioned in my previous post I said goodbye to my “lobster” on Friday night. When I got home I stupidly decided to listen to Ed Sheerans new album (great album FYI) and sobbed. My penpal phoned me and could tell there was something wrong, I tried to play it down and he spoke to me for a while and made me laugh until I felt better. Such a good friend!

When I was out on Friday night I met some people that I used to work with when I was 16-21. When I started my first job in a call centre at the tender age of 16 I met a guy called Michael*, Michael and I were both 16 and the rest of our team was a bit older than us. We became really good friends throughout the years we worked together and there was a lot of sexual tension between us. We had a few drunken kisses and a brief sexual encounter but that was all. If I’m honest I never thought I was good enough for him so I never pursued it.
When I was 21 I went on a round the world trip for a year and whilst I was away, Michael had a child. Our lives went in completely different directions, I had found a new independence and Michael had lost his.
As the years went on we kept in touch every now and again but it had been a while since I had last spoken to him.
He wasn’t there on Friday but a mutual friend was. He told me that Michael* was a bachelor again and that he had been through a rough patch recently and that I should get in touch with him. So I did.
We ended up speaking constantly via text for 3 days straight. Mostly talking about the good old days. I should also mention that ever since I was 16, Michael has been my back up plan (or one of many!). He is one of the people I agreed to marry if we were both single at 30 – uh oh!!
Throughout our 3 days of constant reminiscing and shameless flirting Michael dropped into conversation that he had always had “a thing” for me and that I was his biggest challenge. When I asked what he meant he then informed me that I rejected him on several occasions. Now this is a perfect example of 2 people only remembering what they choose to remember.

In my head Michael was the young handsome man that all the girls at work liked and I was just a plane Jane, nothing special. Michael always had really pretty girlfriends that I couldn’t compete with. We kissed occasionally but only when we were drunk and not around people from work and no one would know about it. We’d hang out sometimes, but just as friends. I wasn’t good enough to be his girlfriend.

Michaels version of events was that I was different from all the other girls. I was confident around him unlike the other girls and he liked that. Only when he was drunk was he brave enough to make a move on me. He asked me if I wanted to hang out because he wanted to spent time with me but I constantly reminded him that we were hanging out as friends. Because of this he never fought for me as he thought HE wasn’t good enough for ME.

We laughed about how different things would have been if we had told each other back then how we both felt about each other instead of playing games. I would never have gone travelling, he wouldn’t have is beautiful daughter. We both agreed that it was obviously the right thing to happen at the time. But now we were reunited. But living at opposite ends of the country.
We jested about our wedding. Michael suggested we get engaged this year and married when we are 30. I picked a ring, Tiffany’s ofcourse. The conversation was sarcastic for almost a whole day.

Michael asked when I was next back home and suggested we catch up when I am back. I invited him to London for the weekend and he said he would make plans. We constantly reminded ourselves of how stupid we were when we were 16-21 for hiding our feelings and for playing too hard to get.

After 3 days of this weird reunion, the shit hit the fan. Thanks to being tagged in a post on Facebook I learned that he was still in a relationship with his ex girlfriend of almost 2 years. Something he forgot to mention whilst we jokingly picked out engagement rings whilst shamelessly flirting with each other.
It was just yesterday I made this revelation and I have not been in touch with him since. If and when he does get back in touch I will tell him I’m aware of his relationship status and that I don’t feel comfortable having those types of conversations with someone else’s boyfriend.
Just goes to show that even 12 years of friendship will not stop a guy being a dick! 😑

Anyway…if anything has come from this it has made me realise that maybe I do play too hard to get. All the recent dates that I have just not bothered to get in touch with. Maybe they were waiting for me to make the next move since I was playing too hard to get?
But also with my pen pal, maybe we are still pals because I give off the impression that I want to be in the Friend Zone..?
I bit the bullet and asked my pen pal if I could visit once he’d moved into his new house. His response was “of course, I’d love that!” Quickly followed by “I’ll lock you in my basement!” 😳 not sure if that’s because he doesn’t want me to leave or if he’s some crazy man and I have no idea but I’m sure I’ll find out sooner or later (if you don’t hear from me call the police).
Usually now that I have planted the seed I would wait for an official invite once he is moved in, but in the interest of trying to NOT act too hard to get, I’m going to keep planting those seeds in a subtle way whilst hopefully not scaring him off by seeming overly keen. I need to find that balance.

So in summary my first week of Man Detox had been eventful and I have learnt a lot about my 18 year old self. I am now looking to take this new knowledge and use it to benefit the 28 year old me…hopefully!!

Bring on week 2. πŸ‘Š

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Regrets

Dating

Tonight I said goodbye to my lobster.
He’s off to start a new life with his beautiful girlfriend. I managed to hold it together…just!!
I did have a little cry on the way home, but that’s normal right?
Starting to wish I had said something to him years ago. I just always assumed he would be there, single and that we would one day make a go of things. Now we are both almost 30 and he’s happy…with someone else.

If I can give you any advice it would be, if you like someone – tell them. This feeling of regret feels worse than what I imagine the rejection would have felt like.

Seeing him so happy with someone else was heartbreaking πŸ’” I couldn’t help but feel – that could have been me. πŸ˜₯ That feeling at the pit of your stomach, that feeling of jealousy mixed with regret is the worst.

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